Seems like a simple question... but somehow I can't really describe it. I have noticed that everyone seems to be a little different, having a few issues or symptoms that I don't have. For me it's like having...
panic issues, Like when we are out and the given soup of stimulus drives me into a whirlwind and I have to leave or I start to shake and hyperventilate. I can't respond to anything anyone says and if I don't leave the situation early enough... I won't be able to think clearly enough to figure out that I need to leave.
anxiety issues, This one feels a lot like panic, but somehow very different. It's like a wind-up toy, I get all wound up and then instead of doing some cool spinning trick, I snap. When I snap, I cry and rock and if you make a noise or try to console me it'll make it worse. It's best to just leave me alone and make my world quiet until I resolve... usually within an hour. Though it'll take me a full day to be fully functional again.
being neuro-sensitive... which, try to explain to someone what its like to be aware of what seems like every nerve ending on your skin at all times!
having bi-polar... but not like sad/happy bipolar but like "oh I get it" or "hello are you there?" As in... I am either with you and I can follow what is happening be it conversation or action, or I am not with you and you are like, "Hello! Snap out of it!"
and some Tourettes, not so much swearing or a complete inability to control my body... but more along the lines of saying things that are completely inappropriate for the situation. Like when my husband pats me on the back (literally) and I shout... "Would you just stop touching me!" Not really a reasonable response, but its mine. Or when I am telling a story and someone gets that overly shocked look on their face that says, "OMG... Did she just say that?!"
These are the screaming obvious issues that I deal with everyday. So, for today that is my answer.
I went to the midwife today. I forgot to tell her to use a butterfly needle when doing my blood draw. I now have a bruise the size of a Susan B. Anthony dollar and my elbow still hurts. What amazes me is that usually when I have any bruising the person doing the draw was unsteady or made some other mistake. The only thing that went wrong this time, was the gauge of the needle. Note to self: remember to request a butterfly. I guess I had better take some Arnica.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Monday, July 28, 2008
OCD...
I am not OCD... though some days my life would be so much easier if I was. Today for example... I told my husband I would do some dishes today (usually I do them at night but due a big kitchen project I had two loads instead of one). So, I woke up and we ate, then I attempted to do yoga but we having computer issues and the video wasn't playing. So, I sat down to read... I am really into Tennessee Williams right now. The kids were not listening and being loud so I told them they had to lay on my bed for quiet time... this induced a naptime that came 2 hours early. I was sleepy too, so I slept. I woke up a bit before them and came downstairs to do the dishes... it's now 1:30pm. I started a fun string of texts with my husband, cleaned the kitchen, put a frozen veggie pizza in the oven, checked my mail, received a phone call... I was feeling so productive. I even washed the kitchen window.... something I have been meaning to do all week. Then I realized.... OMG... I put a frozen pizza in the oven. I rushed over to get it... sure enough, black. I am so terrible at planning things and if life is not happening as normal (like having to do a load of dishes during the day) then I always seem to drop the ball on something.
It's the same story for leaving the house... grocery shopping is the worst. I can make a list... it doesn't mean everything I need is on the list. I admire those that are so fastidious to have every little detail planned out... I can't seem to grasp what all the details are! So, as much as I try to get organized and be diligent about it... the details still slip through my fingers. One thing is for sure... I need to see it coming, meaning don't surprise me, you'll ruin my week. And... it has to be my way, because that is what makes sense, not necessarily what is "the right way" or the best way or even the most efficient way... it just makes sense.
My husband found it funny that we were eating lunch at 2:30pm. When I explained to him that kids and house work is more than I can organize in a day, he texted back... we still love you. But, here we were at home, 2:30pm , black pizza and a clean kitchen. So, it all worked out... oh did I mention the gum in the carpet? yeah, I am getting ready to clean that up now.
It's the same story for leaving the house... grocery shopping is the worst. I can make a list... it doesn't mean everything I need is on the list. I admire those that are so fastidious to have every little detail planned out... I can't seem to grasp what all the details are! So, as much as I try to get organized and be diligent about it... the details still slip through my fingers. One thing is for sure... I need to see it coming, meaning don't surprise me, you'll ruin my week. And... it has to be my way, because that is what makes sense, not necessarily what is "the right way" or the best way or even the most efficient way... it just makes sense.
My husband found it funny that we were eating lunch at 2:30pm. When I explained to him that kids and house work is more than I can organize in a day, he texted back... we still love you. But, here we were at home, 2:30pm , black pizza and a clean kitchen. So, it all worked out... oh did I mention the gum in the carpet? yeah, I am getting ready to clean that up now.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Long time, No post.
I am such a private person. There have been many things that I have considered posting in the last while, though after thinking about posting, most seemed uneventful. I have really enjoyed surfing amongst different blogs and sites. It's nice to see so many people, who are not as private as me, narrating life.
Anyway... we moved. It's been three weeks. There are still boxes. Not many are mysteries anymore and I did run into a few that I couldn't even deal with. The desk. Oh, the desk. There was no box labeled "file folders", so I kept opening boxes looking for file folders so I could unpack the first box I opened. Eventually, my husband saw I couldn't do it and did it himself.
I love our new place. It's warm and we can go outside everyday. I also love that my husband has agreed not to set up the tv. It's so quiet now. Well, with two kids I guess that's relative. But having no Elmo video's, or nightly movies has really helped me to remain calm in general. I also noticed that not having pictures and art on the walls has helped too. We haven't hung any of our art or pictures yet, and I have asked if we can just have bare walls for a bit. It's awesome to not have my mind directed by images all over the house. I wake up to the sound of birds singing and fall asleep to a tumultuous sky filling with thunderheads and lighting. I could stare at a thunderstorm all day and never get bored. Last night I had to look away for a minute and when I came back, all my clouds were gone and unrecognizable. That was sad. Then the sky filled with lightening, that was awesome.
I am trying to find a psychiatrist who works with adults on the autism spectrum. But, so far nothing obvious in my area. There is a great university in the next town south of us with what seems like a pretty extensive autism program. If I don't find someone by the time I have the baby, I am considering driving down there, once I can get around a little better. It's a nice drive anyhow, plus I love the university.
Tomorrow, some friends are coming over to help me move goodwill boxes to the Goodwill. I am so excited to have the space opening up. It should be our last trip. I am not quite prepared, so even though it should be the last one, most likely I will have more in the coming days.
Anyway... we moved. It's been three weeks. There are still boxes. Not many are mysteries anymore and I did run into a few that I couldn't even deal with. The desk. Oh, the desk. There was no box labeled "file folders", so I kept opening boxes looking for file folders so I could unpack the first box I opened. Eventually, my husband saw I couldn't do it and did it himself.
I love our new place. It's warm and we can go outside everyday. I also love that my husband has agreed not to set up the tv. It's so quiet now. Well, with two kids I guess that's relative. But having no Elmo video's, or nightly movies has really helped me to remain calm in general. I also noticed that not having pictures and art on the walls has helped too. We haven't hung any of our art or pictures yet, and I have asked if we can just have bare walls for a bit. It's awesome to not have my mind directed by images all over the house. I wake up to the sound of birds singing and fall asleep to a tumultuous sky filling with thunderheads and lighting. I could stare at a thunderstorm all day and never get bored. Last night I had to look away for a minute and when I came back, all my clouds were gone and unrecognizable. That was sad. Then the sky filled with lightening, that was awesome.
I am trying to find a psychiatrist who works with adults on the autism spectrum. But, so far nothing obvious in my area. There is a great university in the next town south of us with what seems like a pretty extensive autism program. If I don't find someone by the time I have the baby, I am considering driving down there, once I can get around a little better. It's a nice drive anyhow, plus I love the university.
Tomorrow, some friends are coming over to help me move goodwill boxes to the Goodwill. I am so excited to have the space opening up. It should be our last trip. I am not quite prepared, so even though it should be the last one, most likely I will have more in the coming days.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Oh, the Pink Taco
Okay, I find this kind of amusing because 1. I am not as stupid as it seems and 2. Could it have taken any longer?
Story: Where I live, a stadium was built like 8-9 yrs ago. There was all this talk around town about what the name of the stadium would be. The first business to offer sponsorship was named the Pink Taco. Weelll, no one was too keen on The Pink Taco Stadium. I couldn't really figure out why. I thought it was kind of silly that someone would pair "pink" and "taco" together. Seemed to me like it would make more sense if it were "red" or "green" because at least those are the colors of the sauce that you would put on a taco... see where I am going? HA! I even got so creative to think that even The Yellow Taco would make more sense because then maybe you could make a special sauce for your tacos that was made from yellow peppers. So anyway... fast forward to 4th of July 2oo8. My husband and I were driving back from my Mom's house and had to drive past what was eventually named The University of Phoenix Stadium (yeah, not as catchy as The Pink Taco Stadium). My husband says, "You know, we should just call it the pink taco anyway...." And it hit me! OMG.... no wonder politicians didn't want to name it the Pink Taco. I don't know how I figured it out, but this is a great example of people not meaning what they say. I can' t believe it took me nine years to figure out they weren't talking about a Mexican food dish!
Story: Where I live, a stadium was built like 8-9 yrs ago. There was all this talk around town about what the name of the stadium would be. The first business to offer sponsorship was named the Pink Taco. Weelll, no one was too keen on The Pink Taco Stadium. I couldn't really figure out why. I thought it was kind of silly that someone would pair "pink" and "taco" together. Seemed to me like it would make more sense if it were "red" or "green" because at least those are the colors of the sauce that you would put on a taco... see where I am going? HA! I even got so creative to think that even The Yellow Taco would make more sense because then maybe you could make a special sauce for your tacos that was made from yellow peppers. So anyway... fast forward to 4th of July 2oo8. My husband and I were driving back from my Mom's house and had to drive past what was eventually named The University of Phoenix Stadium (yeah, not as catchy as The Pink Taco Stadium). My husband says, "You know, we should just call it the pink taco anyway...." And it hit me! OMG.... no wonder politicians didn't want to name it the Pink Taco. I don't know how I figured it out, but this is a great example of people not meaning what they say. I can' t believe it took me nine years to figure out they weren't talking about a Mexican food dish!
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